crazy supermarket dream

the byproduct of my many sleepless nights while at home, sitting there with my brother, when we start to note how hungry were getting. either that, or we're just plain bored and are looking for something to do so we end up going for a drive to catch the midnight air. so we're driving down what seems to be mccormick avenue and just now, i'm noticing how barren it all is. finally we make it to a supermarket and my brother is extremely reluctant to enter the supermarket for some reason or another. and i say to him, "just go ahead and buy 5-6 things that are under $15 a piece." so right from the start i see this indian woman at about age 25 doing some cleanup work and i also note this white guy who i could've gone to grade school with. but, he's probably fucked up his life and is now working at a supermarket. my brother starts to grab things and i notice he's grabbed three boxes of donuts, which is cool because i've been having an actual mad craving for donuts. i noticed he's grabbed two flavors of cake--strawberry and blueberry. i tell him he's the only one who will be eating that and it doesn't make sense to buy two. i tell him to return one of the two. he goes and comes back and i notice he's returned the blueberry one, which i find odd because he's always liked blueberry much better than strawberry. as we're strolling down the aisles, i see this older balding idiot, probably the manager, running up and down the aisles, screaming at the tops of his lungs to every, single one of his employees. as i'm walking along the outskirts of the aisles i hear yelling over a loudspeaker saying to the indian woman employee, "what did i tell you about cooking and eating food while on the job, are you incompetent?" i glance at her as tears are welling up in her eyes and she's just thrown out a plate full of indian basmati rice and some curry. my blood is starting to boil, but i realize that i'm just a customer so i continue to walk down the aisles. finally i pass the aisle the manager is in as he's crouching over to inspect canned goods when all of a sudden he's yelling at the guy who i thought was my grade school friend. now, i'm pissed that this guy is really a bum who thinks he has authority and is being an asshole about it and making people feel bad. so finally i walk over to this kitchen - an area in the store and there is some pasta cooking and i guess i politely ask "is that some rozatta you got cooking there?" he looks at me and says " what the hell are you talking about?" so finally, after witnessing the mistreatment of basically all of the employees and this one man thinking he's a fucking tyrant, i look at him and step right up to him and say "what the fuck is your problem asshole? why do you have to think that you're better than everyone else here?" i continue to persist with my questions and the grade school friend who's an employee is pleading with me to stop, but i neglect to take in his words and continue badgering the manager. finally the manager who's had enough with me, opens a drawer and pulls out a long and sharp pair of scissors. he starts swinging it around like a madman and i'm telling this guy to chill the fuck out. finally i'm like "fuck this!" and whip out my cell phone. the manager is threatening harm against me if i proceed to call the cops. i flip open my helio and begin dialing "9-1-1" when he yells at the grade school friend employee to get me. the guy turns and starts running after me. he's a lot bigger all of a sudden than i had initially realized when entering the store. i turn the corner and dash around the turnstile that connects the kitchen to the rest of the supermarket, hop the register area, and zenpo kaiten ukemi over the handrails that keep people from jacking carts from the store. my brother is nowhere in sight and i've got this sinking feeling that he's still stuck in the store and has been taken hostage by the fucking psycho manager. but, me in my stupidity begin dreaming about how my shoes have rollerblades in them and i try to go get help by dashing down some long stairways as i'm trying out the rollerblades system lodged in my shoes. and then, my dream cuts off and i awake.

mantra for law school

WHAT IS MY ROCK?

be purposefully transparent. be forthright with my convictions. be confident with my identity. be honored to follow those that came before me. be willing to admit my faults. be firm in my belief that i belong here.

be ready. be strong. be for real.

MY GOD IS A YELLOW and BROWN WOMAN
WHO BELIEVES IN JUSTICE FOR
ALL PEOPLE OF COLOR.

farewell with aacc

tonight i said my goodbyes to my fellow resisters of the system. aacc has been the blood of my college years. renewing my faith in that one can find friends from the most coincidental of circumstances. i never thought i would be so honored to forge bonds with with those that stood against everything for the right to learn.

i look back at my years with aacc with loving care and i remember the very first days i raised my fist in defiance alongside those so few, yet so willing to sacrifice themselves for the betterment of our society. i find it almost a blissful end to an era where i defined myself and my ideals as an asian american student activist. i will embrace those times and utilize those memories as reasons for my existence in the future.

to steven, sae rom, elaine, ryan and soo, a fond thank you for the wonferful farewell. i will surely miss the laughs, the sweat, and tears that we shared on sleepless nights. with luck and fate, i will return stronger and ready to be a leader for us all. be well my friends.

looking back at tomorrow

twenty-three fucking years i've been waiting to get away. my feet were already moving forward before my heart was ready to embrace that new beginning. one month left and i'm just now beginning to see the beauty that exists here. i guess that's the cycle of things. you don't notice what's here until it's gone and it's not even like i'm out and have had time to reflect on the two and near half decades that i've spent in this city.

it's gotta be the friends i've made here. that, and the fear of the unknown that lies ahead. so much ground to make up and issues to add to my repertoire. may i have the strength to take life by two hands and shake the change from its pockets. and may that change be beautiful and uplifting. because my challenges lie in my resistance against complacency. because i feel the moonbeams exiting from my toes and from the tips of my hair telling me that my dreams lay in wait for that tomorrow over the horizon.

if i was a certain flavor dum-dum, what flavor would i be? this was the question i was asked this morning as i filled out the paperwork at the local ups to have all of my apartment forms sent to the place i'll be living for the next year. i've lived at my house since i was two-barring the one year i spent at the dorms-since i was two. that's a long fucking time. but this is for real and it's been hitting me as the clock ticks closer to my future in a new city. east coast rap. east coast weather. east coast style ramen. as my dad used to say, "east coast liberalism." i have to admit that i'm pumped about that.

as blue scholars spits on their latest album, which i happen to be listening to as i write this, i have high wishes to engage in a social, cultural and political awakening and "spark a fire for the cold in the dark...more fire for the people...more jobs for the people....more music for the people."

chicks dig an asian american?

growing up, i remember i used to be more than average girl crazy. waking up early to fix my hair--using a ton of moose. cleaning my gold-rimmed glasses. picking out my best silk shirt, i was always the best dressed for school. when the yearbook came out every spring, my friends and i would sit there and determine which of the lucky ladies would have the opportunity to be special enough to be my girlfriend. but, girls and the game didn't come easy. not that it ever did. all of the hard work never seemed to pay-off quite like those white football players kids in grade school. the ones who didn't give a shit, came to school in messed-up ripped clothes, and never paid any attention to class, style and manners. yet every single time, they were the ones to end up with the ladies on the dance floor and i found myself sitting on the sidelines drenched in loneliness.

i'll never forget the eighth grade dance where i had asked this one girl, tiffany clarito, to the end-of-the-year dance and everyone had a partner or date to go with. she was this girl who i had been interested in for awhile and we were friends. it just made sense. she liked my sense of humor and my wittiness in class. but all that shit went out the window when it came down to who she was going to go with. i'll never forget her approach at my locker after school one day when she shut me down. stake through my heart. flares over my head. and fuck-off written on her forehead. i went alone. i didn't have fun. and humiliation kept me indoors all summer.

looking back at those times, where i wanted to constantly shoot myself in the foot, i see now that i was foolish in my mentality of looking at things when it came to how to handle the ladies. not that i have it all down to a "t" (because i really don't at all), but i realize that my attempt to place myself in the spotlight through suave james bond-esce style actually was a hindrance to my own game.

i realize now that my ability to talk to people has come with my reassurance in my identity and who i am as an individual. i'll never forget the time in high school when the hottest girl in our grade wanted to date me. after so many years of working so hard to be with someone, it came during the one time where i though i just shouldn't give a shit anymore who dates me.
but that's alright. now i find that it isn't hard to just be who i am and enjoy it. to be cool and slick just by understanding that some things in life are worth working for and then there are some that just happen when you least expect it. i honestly never would have thought that being a japanese american/alaska native would be so gratifying because before i always, in the back of my head, thought it was a disadvantage by not being white.

i rep peace, j doramas, ck specs, justice, silk shirts, socks that don't match, love, miso ramen, the real real football, passion, my macbook pro, two left feet, heart, dreams that are yet to be fulfilled, and hard work to get me there.

on the eve of independence

eyelids are heavy as i slip in and out of an uncontrollable willingness to sleep, but i won't let myself submit to slumber. under pain of exhaustion, i can't stop these fingertips from unleashing the words from within.

i find it hard to believe that in 1776, a bunch of rich white people sat around a table and carved out a document that would inevitably free us from so-called tyranny and so thereafter, formed this country. it amazes me that it all started right there. and now, 231 years later, we find ourselves at a place where people of color are still not able to find themselves in painted murals depicting that auspicious day. we weren't allowed at the table then and even now, we find that despite the efforts made and the blood spilled on hallowed grounds, the playing field is still uneven and racism runs rampant. from the ink of the feathered pen to the document signed by traitors of the british empire, i don't think it's unreasonable to believe that, at the time, they believed that their actions were just and it was their duty to turn against the hand that supposedly fed them. it was their responsibility to cry out "freedom" in the darkness of night.

and so, we shall continue to follow in the tradition of those that turned a colony into a nation. now, it is our turn to take back the night and turn it into day. and bring justice, freedom and happiness to all of the people that inhabit this great nation. to do so is to follow in the long line of those that came before. i hope to honor their memory by continuing to fight.