smokeless

where went the days of spirited vigor. when i could raise my fist in defiance of everything i knew or thought was ever wrong in the world and mean it. where has the anger gone? the moments where one could be lit afire by the discomforted instances that plague our existence. to find myself dreaming of standing on picket lines with a loudspeaker and a decent-looking sign that would express into words all of the emotions i was feeling.

emptiness has enveloped the once inspired fighter of racial inequality. lack of sleep as warped passion into learning how to cope from the heaviness of the day to day. where are the dreams of that better tomorrow? to feel that sense of pride to be amongst those that wanted, not the world, but their fair share. to forgo rational thought and rather be caught up in just being happy by exhaling the pent up frustration. my jaw is tired from remaining clenched. my holding back that which i thought i would never keep silent.

character and fitness. that's what it has really come down to. in a school to uplift hopes it has done that but has drained me of feeling. i feel like i have lost my soul to be that someone of the future. but i guess that happens in life. learning to embrace that step forward. but at the same time, to feel that sorrow in my being. from reading emails and feeling nothing. to wake up every morning and touch the floor with my feet i feel nothing. nande?