chicks dig an asian american?

growing up, i remember i used to be more than average girl crazy. waking up early to fix my hair--using a ton of moose. cleaning my gold-rimmed glasses. picking out my best silk shirt, i was always the best dressed for school. when the yearbook came out every spring, my friends and i would sit there and determine which of the lucky ladies would have the opportunity to be special enough to be my girlfriend. but, girls and the game didn't come easy. not that it ever did. all of the hard work never seemed to pay-off quite like those white football players kids in grade school. the ones who didn't give a shit, came to school in messed-up ripped clothes, and never paid any attention to class, style and manners. yet every single time, they were the ones to end up with the ladies on the dance floor and i found myself sitting on the sidelines drenched in loneliness.

i'll never forget the eighth grade dance where i had asked this one girl, tiffany clarito, to the end-of-the-year dance and everyone had a partner or date to go with. she was this girl who i had been interested in for awhile and we were friends. it just made sense. she liked my sense of humor and my wittiness in class. but all that shit went out the window when it came down to who she was going to go with. i'll never forget her approach at my locker after school one day when she shut me down. stake through my heart. flares over my head. and fuck-off written on her forehead. i went alone. i didn't have fun. and humiliation kept me indoors all summer.

looking back at those times, where i wanted to constantly shoot myself in the foot, i see now that i was foolish in my mentality of looking at things when it came to how to handle the ladies. not that i have it all down to a "t" (because i really don't at all), but i realize that my attempt to place myself in the spotlight through suave james bond-esce style actually was a hindrance to my own game.

i realize now that my ability to talk to people has come with my reassurance in my identity and who i am as an individual. i'll never forget the time in high school when the hottest girl in our grade wanted to date me. after so many years of working so hard to be with someone, it came during the one time where i though i just shouldn't give a shit anymore who dates me.
but that's alright. now i find that it isn't hard to just be who i am and enjoy it. to be cool and slick just by understanding that some things in life are worth working for and then there are some that just happen when you least expect it. i honestly never would have thought that being a japanese american/alaska native would be so gratifying because before i always, in the back of my head, thought it was a disadvantage by not being white.

i rep peace, j doramas, ck specs, justice, silk shirts, socks that don't match, love, miso ramen, the real real football, passion, my macbook pro, two left feet, heart, dreams that are yet to be fulfilled, and hard work to get me there.